Stepping into Adulthood.

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{ DUST }

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I'm guessing if blogs could collect dust, the dust over this dead page would be as thick as a 327 page novel.
Time to clean 'em up!

It's been more than a month since I finish my final exam. I know I should have updated my blog long ago, but too must distractions were preventing me from blogging. (Or you could say I'm kinda lazy doing anything lately.)

I've spent some of my time telling myself that I'm no-longer a student, some of my time travelling, some of my time shopping, some of my time meeting friends, some of time reading novels or watching drama series. But most of my time spent wondering, aka staring on the walls doing nothing.

I've done a lot of thinking lately. What work I'm interested in, which company I planned to go for, where I wanna be in few years time, who I wanna be in the future, etc. I don't have an exact answer for all of these until few days back. Well, not answers to all of 'em but at least I get most of them covered.

What's different from all my friends was that I'm planning to look for short-term job, like a year or two before quitting. I wouldn't mind for a stressful or busy job, as long as the pay is high enough. I have, no, I must fulfill my dreams before everything is settled down. By settle down means marriage, or having kids, or even having a job that worth putting effort in getting promote. I want and I will earn enough money for myself to study or backpack in Europe, and get a diver's licence. That's a dream. A must.

It's tough, the path of stepping into adulthood. It's hard to accept the fact that I'm no-longer a student nor a teenager, but an adult now. Instead of depending on family, stepping into adulthood means that our family could depends on us now. Bearing the responsibility in the family is a must for me since I'm the eldest in the family. Mum started to reminds me about me bearing my brother's tuition fee, the car instalment, the house instalment, and tons of fees and charges that are way too heavy on my shoulder right now. It kinda scares me tbh. But I'll overcome it once I start work, I guess. As long as I save enough money, I can still go for my dream after a year or two, AND bear all the responsibilities of the family too. Gosh, I hope my bro could finish his course as soon as possible too! Too bad he just started his degree few months back. :(

As a matter of the fact, apart from those jobs that I applied before my final exam, I haven't even start looking for job! None resumes submitted, excepted for those in career fairs before my final exam. I've been slacking A WHOLE DAMN LOT after my final exam, trying my best to avoid all these job-finding moments as much as I can, trying to enjoy my life as much as possible. I'm sorry mum for keep delaying on you. :( I know I've told your that I'd start looking for job after I'm back from Taiwan, then I delayed it to after I'm back from Malacca, then I further delayed it to after July. Well I guess I have no more excuses for me to slack around as July is just 2 days left. *sigh* Reality sucks. I hate facing all this interview shits.

.

I'm done talking about the work part. So, NEXT. (I know I'm long-winded but please bear with me because I got a lot to say after this 2 months break from my last post.)

What is love? What is marriage? You know it really breaks my heart when I heard so much stories about love and marriage recently. Such a shame that I knew few of these scumbags, aka assholes. What kind of human leaves a family (even with grandkids) to a lady that is even 10 years younger that your own kids?!! And what makes your better than a dog when you keep cheating your ex-wife for money when you already left her?!! Yes, I'm ashamed that I know you and we even held the slightest blood relationship. Where is the uncle that once I thought is a good man?! I guess he's dead now in everyone's heart. You don't deserve to be in the family, please don't expect us to call you or help you or even smile at you anymore. Gosh, just typing over here I could feel my blood level rises above average. If I continue talking about the other part of the story, I guess you'll find me in the hospital fainted. Reason? Fire in heart / Too mad / Type too hard on keyboard / banged head through wall. (Jk)

And you, my dear friend, please don't repeat the same mistakes you've done to her again! You know who you are, and you know how perfect she is to me. I hated when people hurt her, it reminded me of the past when she came crying into my room. I couldn't bear to see my friend cry in front of me, the ache in my heart, I just couldn't bear it. Please don't!

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Urm, so I guess here comes the end of the post for now! :D
Oh btw, #Germany you have one supporter over here!! :) Neuer, I wanna get your signature pleaseeeeee!

Mua love for the 5th year! :)

P.S.: I miss writing.

I miss Lil' Button.

I should've take more pictures and videos of hers.

Now all I could see is only the few pictures of hers in my phone whenever I miss her.

:( 

How are you, lil' girl?

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

People complains. 

Most probably because things don't turns out to be what they expected. 

People's choosy. 

And they complained that they couldn't get a job. 

I don't really get it why most people opt to choose on big company to work. 

Is it because it'll makes you happier? 

Or is it because it'll makes less stress? 

Or is it because it'll makes you richer?

Or is it because it'll makes you less embarrassed when you tell people about your occupation? 

Richer, I guess. 

Less embarrassed, I guess. 

Well, I don't belong to the "most people" group, I guess. 

I just want a job that I can be happy with it. 

I just want a job with lesser stress. 

(By happy, I mean I can work with Caucasians, LOL)

(By lesser stress, I mean I can lower by stress by looking at them, double LOL)

I don't think I'm gonna be very proud to tell everyone that I'm working in a big firm, 

and secretly I felt damn fking stress and unhappy in the bottom of my heart. 

Again, 

I don't want to grow up so fast. 

I don't want to start my working life so fast. 

But it seems like I'm the first from my friends to go for countless interviews. 

Stupid lady. 

Why the hell you drop your resumes so early?

==

Two weeks later from today, 

I'll be ending my degree life. 

Two weeks. 

Ugh, time flies. 

Too fast, I can't even cope with it. 

I couldn't imagine how it's like to be unemployed, 

and then employed. 

And then there goes my whole life. 

Work, sleep, work, sleep, work. 

I wonder whether I could even have time for my dreams. 

Backpacking alone, to all the corners of the world. 

Is it even possible? 

I doubt it. 

Work. 

Adult. 

Life. 

Money. 

"Terrifying phrases," I would say. 

It scares me. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock. 

Please, time, please stop. 

Please stop ticking, that sound irritates me. 

I need some time to prepare my heart from accepting the fact that I'm no longer a kid, 

I'm no longer the Jane that are waiting for Peter Pan. 

I grew up. 

Neverland have left me, long time ago. 

Ugh. 

So much in my mind.
So worry. 

So curious. 

"SIGH"

P.S. : I do believe in fairy tales,

fairies,

Peter Pan.

You can call me naive,

but that wouldn't change me.

I won't be able to become a mature lady,

I guess. 

Kid, 

always.

被喚醒的回憶

我真的以為我忘了。

我也真的以為我放下了。

這幾天是怎麼啦？

:( 

那些夢 是如此的真實。

我差一點給它欺騙了。

為什麼要喚醒我們那點點滴滴的回憶？

「夢神」別讓我再做那樣的夢了！

因為這樣的夢，好想好想就一直在那夢裡生活，不想醒來了。

那天靜贊我，她說我很強那麼快就放下了。她說我看起來最近很開心。沒想到我那麼不中用，一頭才剛被稱贊，一頭就崩潰了。呵呵。:') 沒用的人。

還記得某天朋友們問我，如果他再次進入我的世界我會不會拒絕，我騙她們說我會拒絕。其實，我覺得我會像夢裡一樣毫不猶豫的接受⋯

好想好想回到從前。

唉。

Tidak boleh macam ini!! 

Wake up wake up!!

P.S.: Don't ruin your beautiful Sunday 

because of a dream that wouldn't come true, 

stupid lady!