.

I don't know how to deal with this anymore. Dear God, please show me a way for me to settle this. 

I Feel Old.

It seems like yesterday, we welcomed 2015.
And 3 more days, we will step into the final quarter of the year.

Time flies. 

Especially when you're working.

3 more days, I'll be "celebrating" my very first anniversary with the Bank.
In a blink of eyes, I'm here, for a year.
But I still feel like I'm the new staff,
because I'm still a problem-baby, throwing tons of questions to the seniors, annoying them.
I wonder when I'll be as matured as them.
When can I be like my seniors?
And when can I earn that much like them?

Sigh.
Monday blues.
I hate Monday blues.
I hate that I have to deal with is every Sunday night.
I have no idea why but Monday blue hits me damn hard every Sunday night.
A pain in the ass.

Sigh.
Working life isn't like school where we can ditch class as we like.
Working life is full of responsibilities.
Full of due dates to meet.
And working in a bank, there are loads of rules to be followed.
Couldn't imagine my whole life working in such "over-regulated" workplace.

Sigh.
I'm 24 now and look at what I have in hands now?
Property?
Car?
Dream?
None. 
Looking at the cousins who are one year older than me, I felt ashamed.
They have their own house, own car, and where am I?
Still struggling, to even pay the family's bill.
How can I save money, fulfill my own dream,
when the family needs me to support?
How can I be this selfish to only think of my own dream?
Life's suck when you have no money.
But I will give everything to have this life all over again,
if I'm given a chance to choose again.
Because here, I have my family with me.

Sigh.
Can I not go to work tomorrow?
_____________________________________________________________

Love - Encounter

Couldn't get rid of the images I've came across when I went to the residential park with him yesterday around PJ.

The park is crowded with laughters of children, running around with their peers while me and him was sitting in the swing. At that moment, I've noticed a whole family (daughters, granddaughters,  grandson and a maid) along with an old grandmother (age around 80-90) were taking a walk in the park, with the grandma sitting on a wheelchair. While the grandson plays the classic 鄧麗君's songs, all of them were singing and humming the song with the old grandma. The grandma was smiling all through their walk. They really stands out in the park because they're in one big group of around 6-8 people surrounding the old grandma, singing, talking, laughing freely. (Which is kind of hard to encounter nowadays as we are too dependent on technologies)

The daughter then encouraged the grandma to stand up from the wheelchair and they held her with their hands, assisting her on her feet and holding her to walk. 

Trying her very best, she stood up. Trembling, she started to walk slowly. Having the kids and grandkids held her carefully in their hands, she continued singing with the brightest smile I've ever seen on an old lady. 

And the whole family continued to sing. I couldn't help myself but kept staring at them with a huge idiotic smile that was "fixed" on my face. What a lucky day, I thought, for us to be able to witness this fantastic moment. It's a shame that my phone battery died before I have the chance to capture such heart-warming moment. But I do, capture it in my heart. 

Love is better when you put down all your gadgets and distractions. People, time to look up! 

Missing my beloved grandma too, after writing this "love-encounter" moment down. 

Loves.

:

It's not that I'm ashamed or embarrassed, it's just that I rather not have people feeling pity or looking down on me. 

Sometimes, it's ok to lie. 

For good. 

有你真好

其實每天都有一個肯聽你發牢騷的人真好。

其實每天都有一個肯逗你開心的人真好。

其實每天都有一個真心對你好的人真好。

其實，有你真好。❤️

(Side story)

P.S.: A warm welcome to the wonderful world, small little baby egg! ❤️ you're so small and cute, just like Ah Yi(me)! Ah Yi reads about your mummy blog about giving birth to you. 28 HOURS! You better sayang your mummy from the moon and back! And remember me! 

You

I'm so not ready to start a new life. 

Sorry. 

我的她

看見外婆憔悴的樣子，心真的是該死的痛。

怎麼瘦了那麼多？怎麼那麼蒼白？

那麼健康的一個人，怎麼突然間病倒了？

Fear

Do you ever afraid of picking up the phone? 

Yes, I do. 

Especially phone calls from the family. 

Not long ago, I got a call from my dad, telling me that our house got robbed. 

Few days later, I got another call from mum, saying that my brother got into an accident. 

And a fortnight later, I got a call from my mum again, telling me that my grandma was admitted to the hospital. 

Bad news, bad news and bad news. 

The heart sinks whenever the teller id shows "Mum" or "Dad"now. 

It's like a habit now, to mentally prepare myself for any bad news before answering those calls. 

I guess,

Fear of picking up phone, is in one of the point in my "Fear-List" now. 

P,S,: Dear grandma, please stay strong. 

I'll go back and visit you very soon! :) 

Is this what I really want?

I don't know. 

I feel lost. 

I enjoy what I'm currently doing, 

but I can't see my future doing this job for long-term. 

Don't get me wrong. 

I love my work now, not because of the job, 

but because of the colleagues around me. 

I need a job that I enjoy working, 

because of the job, 

and the colleagues around me. 

P.S.: And most probably a job less overtime needed. 

I've been working from 8.30am to 8.30pm daily,

without OT being paid! 

:/ 

Dying

First I was dying to finish high school and start college. 
And then I was dying to finish college and start working. 
And then I was dying to marry and have children. 
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work. 
And then I was dying to retire. 
And now, I am dying.. and suddenly I realize I forgot to live. 
-- Anonymous   

A reminder to myself and my friends,
Work to live, not live to work.

Work To Live, Live To Work?

Started working at 8.30am, and left office at 8.30pm (Monday). 12 FREAKING LOOOONG HOURS.
And now I left 12 hours (8 hours sleep + 1 hour shower and makan + 3 hours relax time) before I back to work again tmr.
*sigh*
Why is working life so lifeless?
Where do working adults find their entertainment?
I hate this kind of life, a whole damn lot.

I have two Joanns in me.
Sometimes I enjoy working.
Some other times I hate my work. 
Sometimes I feel that I can work here for years.
Some other times I feel that I want to quit the next day. 
Sometimes I prefer working rather than staying at home doing nothing.
Some other times I prefer slacking at home and not working. 
Sometimes.
Sometimes I just want to quit so badly, since the 24 hours notice period is so tempting.

P.S.: Today, the Joann in me, 

doesn't want to go work tomorrow. 

其实朋友，也不过如此而已。

“你不值得我对你投资那么多时间，因为他是将要陪我度过一辈子的人，不是你。”

其实当你对我说出这句话的同时，我真的对你很失望。
说什么狗屁当一辈子的好朋友，其实都只是在你遇到某个更重要的人之前的话。

P.S.: 慢慢疏远有你的世界，我过的一样那么好。

情人節

其實不是說要有花有禮物才算是過情人節。只要兩個人每年在情人節這天去同一個地方吃同樣食物做同樣東西，就很浪漫了。

有時候，簡單就是幸福。 :)

Hello There

It's been a while since I last blogged. I miss you, my dear blog. I miss expressing my thoughts here. It's just that after I started working, I don't have much time to even think. My daily routine goes this way:

wake up > work > eat > work > eat > one hour tv time > sleep > wake > work > repeat. 

Where is my extra time? 4 months passed in a blink of eye. 2 more months and I pass my probation period. Time flies when working, it's been a very hectic life working here in the bank. I've been working non stop from 8am to 8pm everyday, with an hour break in between of course. And yet, I still feel that time isn't enough while working. That's why I opt to stay back most of the time, to complete my tasks on hand. 

Gosh, what a lifeless boring life I'm going through now. The only motivation I have in life now is June, the month I get my diving license! I can't wait to get the license and dive independently! I shall go dive every once in a while if I have the license. Can't wait for my first solo dive trip in the future too! So many dreams to achieve and yet so less time and money. Someone, please tell me a way to earn fast and legal money! 

I shall continue this soon. G'night blog! Oh btw, I was hacked by my lovely friend on the last 2 posts. As a revenge, this is the person who hacked me 👇👇👇 the one who loves to hack my account in fb and now even blog! 🙈

       
      PYM 不要罵我 :P

Thoughts

Have you ever tried to control your evil-self so badly that you afraid that you gonna shout at the person or slap them? 

I believe everyone do has a evil-self, some of them (most of them) are just too good at hiding themselves to make others adore them. 

I do, hide myself.