Untitled #2

Tomorrow's the day. His day.
Friends decided to held a small celebration for him.
But.
Should I go?
I know of course you'll said that I should go, that's nothing wrong with it.
But.
I know I should be going but, I just don't feel like wanting to go.
Because I keep on telling myself that I'm happy right now and in fact, I am happy now.
But, I'm afraid that once I meet him,
all the thoughts of me being fine, vanished.
I'm afraid that I'm just not as strong as I thought.
I'm afraid.
I'm a eff-ing timid person, I know.

I know I tell everyone that I'm getting better with it already,
and even I, myself tell me the same thing,
but,
I know,
I'm actually just looking for a way to lie to myself that I'm already got used to it.
I lied, but,
who cares.

So, should I go?
Guess not. 
Or yes?

P.S.: Hope my friends won't read this 'cause I know they'll

be damn disappointed to me.

Hell,

I'm disappointed to myself too.